i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
