I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
