Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
