i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
