I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
