Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
