I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
