Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
