I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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