he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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