Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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