I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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