Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
