Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
