I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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