sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
