you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
