Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
