could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
