dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
