In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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