it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
