pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just had sex on a roof
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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