The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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