What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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