remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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