Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
