Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
