I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
