considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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