I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
