Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
