All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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