he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
