Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I want a musical about memes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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