We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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