check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
