I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
