Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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