3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
