I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
