There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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