I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and she was petting her beer can
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize