Someone shit on the floor
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
