duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
