Can i not drive my cunt home
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
