I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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