Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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