This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
