Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
