I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
