Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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