i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
