he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize