Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
