I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
