Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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