u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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