I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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