Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
