the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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