im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
