He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
