Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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