we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
